Fries vs Tots

While out to lunch with The Wife at Pilot Butte Drive In she ordered the tater tots….again. I of course got fries cause I’m not a 5th grader eating lunch in the school cafeteria. Fries are so much better than tater tots.

Garlic fries, curly fries, shoe stings, steak, sweet potato, crinkle cut, waffle, chili cheese fries, poutine…I mean, cmon! I feel like Bubba here listing off the endless variety. And those are just the basics. You may try to come back with ‘what about cajun tots or cheesy tots?’ but you can say the same about any type of fry.

Then there is the fry sauce. It is called fry sauce, not Tot sauce. FRY SAUCE. Sure it is just a variety of ketchup and mayo but its so much better on fries. Just grab a couple long sticks of delicious, salty fries and dip them into your desired amount of fry sauce and devour…then bask in pure happiness. With those lame lumps you shove one end of your boring, disappointing spud stump into some stupid condiment like hillbilly catsup or some left over dried up mustard and then cry about the way your life has ended up.

Lets rattle off the different type of Tot there is…..well, there is the original Tot…..and the….uh well…..hmmm. Nope, there is only one cause the Tot is made up of all the little bits of Fries that didnt make the cut. No imagination, no versatility. Tots are basically fry rejected bits. RejecTots! The only thing you can do with the short bus of spuds is make a casserole out of them. And lets be honest, the only people that like casseroles are the Mormons. Seriously, ever been to a Mormon pot luck? I think their casseroles are the only reason that tater tots and/or Wheaties are still in production.

The tot is like the red headed step child of the potato family. Tots are like the BooBerry of sugary cereal. The Tomsula of NFL coaches. The Jack and Jill of Adam Sandlers filmography. The anything described as artisan. The edamame of appetizers.

That is all I have to say about that…for now.

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